Fifteen statements. Rate each one for how true it is of you right now, then see your number and what your particular shape of this pattern looks like. Nobody sees your answers but you. Nothing is recorded and nothing is emailed.
This is the companion to the essay How Martyrdom Keeps Women Small.
1I know what everyone in the room needs before they say it.
2I feel responsible for other people’s moods.
3I say yes before I check whether I actually want to.
4I explain or justify my decisions more than once.
5I feel guilty resting while something is unfinished.
6It is easier for me to give help than to receive it.
7I keep the peace by not saying the thing that is true.
8I measure my worth by how much I do for other people.
9I feel unseen by people I have given a great deal to.
10I get resentful, and then I feel ashamed of the resentment.
11I stay in roles or conversations past the point they stopped being good for me.
12I would rather be needed than wanted.
13I apologise for things that were not my fault.
14I do it myself because it is faster than asking.
15I can tell you what everyone else wants for the holidays, and I have not said what I want.
Answer all fifteen to get your score.
0out of 75
Your shape
One thing to take with you: name one place this week where you said yes before you checked. That is the whole beginning.
Tuesdays at the Den are community nights, donation based, and open to anyone. See what is coming up.
This is a reflection tool, not a diagnosis or a clinical test. If something here lands harder than expected, that is worth talking about with someone you trust.